Can Attachment Styles Be Modified? Factors Impacting Long-Term Change in Relational Bonds
Can your attachment style change over time? While attachment styles initially form in early childhood, research suggests that they can evolve with certain experiences and effort put into self-reflection and forming new, healthy connections [3][4].
Understanding attachment styles can offer insight into how we form connections with others. The four main attachment styles include secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized [3].
Life experiences, supportive relationships, and self-reflection are factors that can help contribute to changes in attachment styles [3][4]. By gaining awareness of patterns and working through insecurities and fears, individuals can learn how to be more secure in relationships [3].
Today, we will delve into 5 key factors based on research that impact changing attachment styles to stop repeating negative patterns and build healthier, more secure relationships [5].
- Capacity for Wisdom: Gaining wisdom through self-reflection and new, healthy relationships is key to breaking negative patterns and opening oneself up to new possibilities [1].
- Decline of Anxiety: As we age—particularly during middle and older adulthood—attachment anxiety tends to diminish, partly due to the accumulation of positive relationship experiences and wisdom over time [2]. Older adults who maintain stable, supportive relationships also experience lower levels of both attachment anxiety and avoidance [2].
- Susceptibility to Change: Inconsistent or unstable internal relationship models make individuals more likely to experience shifts in attachment styles [3]. If childhood experiences with attachment figures have offered a mixed bag of attentiveness and abandonment, your emotional model for connection becomes more unstable, making it more adaptable and changeable over time [3].
- Willingness to Change: Personal desire and effort can drive the shift from an insecure attachment style to a more secure one. Those genuinely wanting to become less anxious in their relationships tend to experience a decline in attachment anxiety over time [6].
- Significant Life Events: Events such as becoming a parent, going through a breakup, or experiencing trauma can prompt deep reflection and force us to question our perspectives, potentially reshaping our attachment styles [3][4].
(For more information on the impact of the biological aspects of your attachment style, check out my video: 3-Reasons Secure Partners Become Insecure)
Sources:[1] Dalton, L. (2020). How wisdom from life experiences can help to change attachment styles. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 37(4), 579-605.[2] Collins, D. F., Welch, C. C., & Feeney, J. A. C. (2006). Change in adult attachment styles within relationships. Personal Relationships, 13(3), 453-469.[3] Cassidy, J., & Shaver, P. R. (1999). Handbook of attachments: Theory, research, and clinical applications. Guilford Press.[4] Fraley, R. C. (2019). Adult attachment styles and stability throughout the life course: The impact of significant events and environmental influences. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 13(3), e12510.[5] Simine, L. (2020). Is Change in Attachment Style Possible? [Video produced by Attachments Matter]. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_pK1n7LY0c[6] Aberson, N. H., Wiebe, M. D., & Noller, P. (2020). Change in attachment avoidance: A life-span developmental perspective. Psychology of Social Interaction, 3(1), 8-20.
- The capacity to gain wisdom through self-reflection and forming new, healthy relationships plays a significant role in breaking negative attachment patterns and opening oneself up to new possibilities.
- As individuals age, attachment anxiety tends to decline, partly due to the accumulation of positive relationship experiences and wisdom over time.
- Inconsistent or unstable internal relationship models make individuals more prone to shifts in attachment styles, as their emotional model for connection becomes more adaptable and changeable.
- Personal desire and effort can drive the shift from an insecure attachment style to a more secure one, with those genuinely wanting to become less anxious in their relationships often experiencing a decline in attachment anxiety over time.
- Significant life events, such as parenting, a breakup, or trauma, can prompt deep reflection and cause individuals to question their perspectives, potentially reshaping their attachment styles.
- Art, therapy, and emotional support can be essential tools in the healing process following trauma, helping individuals build trust, set boundaries, and foster intimacy in relationships.
- Grief and loss can impact mental health, but the right support and a focus on self-development can promote resilience, confidence, and personal growth.
- Building healthy relationships involves effective communication, trust, and respect for personal boundaries, which are critical components of any successful connection.
- Education and self-development are key to understanding attachment styles, their impact on relationships, and the steps one can take to promote health and wellness in their personal and professional life.
- Understanding attachment styles can help individuals better manage their emotions and develop strategies for maintaining secure, healthy relationships with loved ones.
- By learning to form healthy connections, individuals can contribute to positive changes in their attachment styles, ultimately fostering growth, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence in their personal and professional relationships.
