Concerned Over Potential Self-Harm of Friend: What Are Effective Ways to Offer Assistance?
Strange times, innit? Remember when AIM was all the rage, and we couldn't tell a rofl from a g2g? Good old times, I reckon.
One day, I was messaging my buddy, and suddenly we hit a snag - she'd seen a purported suicide note on someone else's AIM profile. We were just kids, not even teens, and we had no clue what to do. Throwing caution to the wind, we called our parents, who, in their wisdom, called the cops. But it was a whole new world back then; figuring out where someone was or how to reach them was next to impossible.
To this day, I can't help but wonder about that person.
When It's a Familiar Face
What if the person we're worried about isn't some stranger on the internet, but a friend or family member? With the CDC stating that half a percent of Americans, or one in 200 people, have tried to end their life, suicide risk isn't as far-fetched as we might think. Given these numbers, it's safe to assume suicide is an ever-present concern in our circles. With it being the tenth leading cause of death in the USA, it's crucial to know how to tackle such conversations.
Fearing someone in your close circle is suicidal can be a nerve-wracking experience, no doubt about it. It's normal to feel a powerful emotional reaction, and the urge to connect can be overwhelming. But striking up supportive conversations, even the tough ones, can be lifesaving. Let's see how to be there for them.
Spotting the Red Flags
Perhaps your friend seems down or withdrawn, or you've even heard them mention suicide. Recognizing warning signs is the first step in helping those in turmoil.
Any dear one showing signs of depression or withdrawal deserves our support and concern. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline has highlighted some precious indicators we should be on the lookout for. If your loved one displays any of these signs, it's time for a chat:
- Speaking about killing oneself
- Seeming disoriented or unable to think straight
- Feeling hopeless or having no purpose in life
- Feeling unable to cope
- Looking for ways to end their life, as demonstrated by online searches or buying a gun
- Displaying extreme mood swings
- Unable to sleep, work, or eat
- Talking about being a burden to others
- Excessive alcohol and drug consumption
- Giving away possessions or otherwise preparing for death
If you notice any of these signs, it's time for a heart-to-heart. Everyone's different, so if you're ever unsure, just reach out.
Connecting in a Crisis
We all want to be our loved ones' knights in shining armor, but stepping up and connecting can be downright terrifying. We may worry about saying the wrong thing or planting the idea of suicide by openly talking about it. Nevertheless, research shows that questioning someone's suicide risk and speaking openly and supportively about your concerns doesn't encourage self-harm. In reality, frank, compassionate conversations about suicide can help save lives.
Opening the conversation is essential. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline recommends initiating a compassionate, non-judgmental chat. It's fine to be direct, but it's best not to be accusatory. You can initiate a conversation by expressing concern and asking how they're feeling: "Man, you seem lonely lately, and I really want to help. Are you thinking about ending your life?" Then, listen - genuinely listen - to what your friend says.
It's natural to feel shocked, upset, confused, or even angry at your friend and their situation. However, it's important that you express concern and support your friend without guilting, shaming, berating, or lecturing them. Being suicidal isn't a result of irresponsibility or something someone can "just snap out of." Instead, you should appreciate your friend for opening up and accepting your invitation to help keep them safe without conditions or guilt.
Keeping Your Loved One Safe in Immediate Danger
When you reach out to a friend who's suicidal, it's crucial to assess their risk. You can ask if they've tried to commit suicide before, if they have a plan to do so, or if they have access to guns, drugs, or other objects that could be used in an attempt.
If your loved one has a plan to harm themselves, they're facing immediate danger, and it's important to take action. Ensure the person is safe, remove potentially dangerous objects or weapons if you can, and do not leave them alone. You can call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, call 911, or drive them to the nearest hospital emergency room for immediate support.
Building Support for Long-Term Risk
If you believe the danger isn't immediate - that is, if your friend has had occasional thoughts of suicide but doesn't have a plan to act on them - it's still essential to provide support. Give them the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline number (988) to call, text, or talk online, or you can call the lifeline yourself.
Make a plan with your loved one for how they can access social and mental health support, and help them reach out to a mental health professional or medical care provider. Connnectedness, or feeling close to other people, community, and professional care, is one of the greatest factors in preventing suicide, the CDC states. When talking to your loved one, you can help discover other people in their life who can offer support, friends, and family members who will reach out to or meet with them regularly, and community resources they can tap into.
Once you've made a plan to support your friend, stick to it. It's better to make promises of support you can keep, rather than make big promises you won't be able to deliver on. Studies show that checking in with people who are suicidal can reduces the likelihood of future attempts. In other words, try your best to remain present and remind your friend they're loved and valued.
Caring for Yourself, Too
We all want to be superheroes and rescue our friends from their pain, but the truth is, nobody can shoulder the whole burden. It's vital to limit how much you take on, for your friend's sake (so they don't feel abandoned if you can't come through) and for your own (as supporting a loved one who's suicidal can be draining and traumatic).
Instead of trying to do everything yourself, focus on building support networks for both your friend and yourself. Speaking to a trusted friend or online therapist about your experience can help keep you mentally and emotionally healthy, allowing you to be the best support possible for your loved one. We've all got to lean on each other, so take care of yourself (and others) to stand strong and firm.
If you or your loved one are feeling suicidal, there is help out there. The following hotlines and organizations are here for you, no matter who you are or what your story.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - Dial 988 (or text/chat online) for a listening ear and free, confidential support available 24/7. The Trevor Project is for LGBTQ youth (1-866-488-7386), while the International Association for Suicide Prevention offers listings of suicide prevention hotlines worldwide. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline guidelines on reporting potential threats of self-harm on social media are also available.
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In light of the ongoing discussion about mental health, it's crucial to recognize that suicide is a pressing concern, as per the CDC, affecting one out of 200 Americans. Given its status as the tenth leading cause of death in the USA, understanding how to address this issue is essential.
In specific situations where loved ones provide red flags indicative of depression or suicidal ideation, engaging in open, supportive conversations can save lives, research reveals. Trigger warnings apart, talking about suicide openly and compassionately has been proven to be beneficial rather than harmful in regards to self-harm.
