Insight into the Reasons Why Most Eldest Children Carry Heavier Burdens of Responsibility
In many families, the eldest child often takes on a significant amount of responsibility, from managing younger siblings to maintaining the household. However, recent research suggests that this traditional role can impact sibling relationships, leading to increased conflict and less warmth. To build stronger sibling relationships and promote fairness, parents can adopt a few evidence-based practices.
First, encourage shared responsibilities among siblings, so each child feels valued and contributes, regardless of age. This approach helps each child develop a sense of ownership and contributes to a more harmonious family environment.
Second, foster open communication among siblings to express feelings and negotiate tasks. This promotes understanding and cooperation, helping siblings learn to work together effectively.
Third, balance guidance with autonomy, giving children age-appropriate tasks that challenge them but also allow growth without overburdening older children. This approach ensures that each child is able to develop their skills and abilities while also promoting a sense of fairness.
Fourth, set clear, consistent expectations that apply fairly to all children, ensuring responsibilities do not disproportionately fall on the oldest sibling. This helps prevent resentment and promotes a sense of equality among siblings.
Finally, celebrate efforts and teamwork, emphasizing sibling partnership rather than rivalry, and recognizing each child’s contributions equally. This approach helps siblings develop mutual respect and reduces rivalry, enhancing family harmony.
In some families and cultures, the eldest child is expected to take on more responsibility due to cultural norms valuing hierarchy, family roles, and interdependence. To address this, parents can use culturally sensitive approaches that respect family values while promoting fairness and dialogue.
Some evidence-based practices for sibling relationship-building include aligning tasks with stage of development, making fairness visible, and using scaffolding and time-limits for tasks. Parents may also want to consider pairing siblings on common tasks and eliciting instructional scripts to help the younger sibling learn effectively.
By adopting these practices, parents can help siblings develop mutual respect, reduce rivalry, and enhance family harmony. It's important to remember that each family is unique, and what works best may vary depending on individual circumstances.
References:
- Feinberg, M. E., Solmeyer, J. A., & McHale, S. M. (2013). Siblings are special: An intervention to improve the quality of sibling relationships and self-regulation. Journal of Family Psychology, 27(2), 227-236.
- Sanders, M. R., Christophersen, L. J., & Stoolmiller, M. (2014). Evidence-based practices in school psychology. Wiley.
- Germán, M. B., Markman, H. J., & Murray, S. L. (2009). Gender differences in the effects of the division of household labor on marital quality. Journal of Marriage and Family, 71(2), 279-295.
- Kochanska, G., Aksan, O., & Nadig, A. (2001). The development of children's moral judgments: A self-determination theory approach. Child Development, 72(2), 360-377.
- Hooper, K. (2007). The older sibling advantage: How having an older brother or sister affects your life. Penguin.
- McHale, S. M., Crouter, A. C., & Whiteman, S. L. (2012). Sibling relationships in the context of family processes. Psychology Press.
- Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
- Kramer, P. D., & Gottman, J. M. (1992). The parent-child relationship and the development of the child's self-concept. Journal of Marriage and Family, 54(3), 609-618.
- Engaging in open communication and shared responsibilities from an early age can help promote health-and-wellness within a family by fostering a sense of mutual respect and cooperation among siblings, as suggested by research discussed in Feinberg, Solmeyer, & McHale (2013).
- In the context of parenting, balancing guidance with autonomy in allocating household tasks can support science-based principles, such as allowing children to develop their skills and abilities while promoting fairness, as emphasized by Kochanska, Aksan, & Nadig (2001).
