Tips for Excelling in Child-Focused Listening Skills
In the realm of parenting, the ability to listen effectively is a crucial skill that often goes overlooked. Dr. Laura Markham, the author of the article "Wie zu einem hervorragenden Hörer werden" on the website "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids", sheds light on this important subject.
First and foremost, matching your reaction with a child's mood is essential. Overreacting or underreacting can be unhelpful and potentially harmful. Instead, empathizing with a child's bad feelings is the fastest way to help them dissipate. This empathy acts as a mirror, reflecting their feelings, and aids in their emotional processing.
Deep listening involves more than just hearing the words your child speaks. It requires giving them your full attention and empathy. This approach helps children feel understood and validated, encouraging them to open up. Conversely, conversation closers, such as direct questions or statements that judge or suggest, can cause defensiveness and shut down feelings.
Acknowledging and reflecting feelings without judgment or suggestion is key to creating an environment where children feel comfortable opening up. Putting a hand over your mouth during a conversation can help prevent you from lecturing, which can cause a child to clam up.
Kids often open up more when they aren't being directly looked at. Activities like riding in the car, doing dishes together, or walking down the street can provide a less intimidating setting for them to express their thoughts and feelings.
It's important to remember that all a child's behaviour is a form of communication, even when they don't say much. Letting a child express their feelings without jumping in with solutions helps them begin to think about solutions on their own. Arguing a child out of a bad feeling invalidates or pushes it under, causing it to resurface later.
Keeping the conversation safe for a child by managing your own emotions is essential, especially in times of anxiety or upset. Accepting and acknowledging a child's feelings helps them accept their own feelings, which is what allows those uncomfortable feelings to resolve.
In conclusion, the most important skill in talking with children is listening, not answering, teaching, lecturing, or offering solutions. By adopting these listening techniques, we can foster a deeper understanding and connection with our children, helping them navigate the complexities of their emotions and the world around them.
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